He felt lonely and secluded despite being surrounded by people he cared for. He didn’t know why he felt this way, all he did know was the pain and the numbness that his chest carried. Sometimes he felt nothing and sometimes he just burst out when no one was around. His world made no sense to him.

He would browse the net in search for answers. Most people on the Internet were trying to be helpful. Despite asking himself millions of questions nothing quiet struck him as the root cause of his problem.

He spoke to his family but they didn’t quiet understand what he was trying to say. They thought that their son was just upset. Little did they know that he’d rather be upset, rather feel anything other than pain and numbness.

Classical music was his only true friend. His only friend that made everything bearable. He didn’t know what to do. Everytime he thought about doing something his brain would just go blank.

He cried just like any other night. Most kids would just be on their phones or watch TV before they sleep.

The next day was different. He figured that the reason he couldn’t relate to other ideas to help him cope was because whatever was happening to him,came from within. This wasn’t an objective test. This was his experiences, his life choices, this was his internal bleeding. He realised that he had to observe himself to atleast have a starting point.

He wasn’t a fan of mint candy but it always made him feel good after he cried. He liked the feeling of having Antarctica on your tongue for a few seconds. It also made him aware of his surroundings.

Since that day, whenever he felt that the pain was unbearable he’d have one mint pellet. He’d keep track of the number of pellets he had and kept record of it on an online journal. He’d compare the days and try to figure out why some days were better and some days were not.

He wasn’t completely diagnosed but he found himself a starting point to understand himself.

Most people who suffer from depression can’t figure out where to start. Some take years whereas some never find out.

(Disclaimer: this was a short story written based on personal experiences and opinions)

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